i sleep in the orchid room

...and the moon pokes through the slats in the blinds. Woozily gazing through flickering lids, my heart flies through the slats to the musical cosmos and I kiss that moon on my way by.

Poppa vacuums on Thursdays while Mom's at the grocery store, and so yesterday, as always when I'm here, I went out into the back yard to escape the nerve-blasting offense to my system that is the all-American vacuum cleaner. For some reason he won't acknowledge, he felt it had to be done again this morning at 7:38am. It's obvious that he thought Mom was at the grocery store instead of in the bathroom, and it was Thursday afternoon all over again for him this morning. I stood, blearier than you even want to think about next to the coffee machine, Zenning away all the hate juice such racket harks up, and Mom said, "I can't believe you didn't leap up screaming at him!" I couldn't say, because he was right there, no, Mom, I can't scream at him when he is confused.

We sat in the living room with our coffee while Mom pored over her morning paper in the kitchen. Poppa was explaining to me that the doctor wants him to come in for a consultation, the date for which is forever escaping him, and that's the one where they tell you how much time you have left before you go get to see what's on the other side. I told him that even if his polycystic kidneys completely shut down, there are kidney dialysis machines they give you to use at home, and they wouldn't be telling him when his number will be up. This reminded him of the onetime neighbor with the same problem, which reminded him of the guy's really sweet wife, which made him start crying for a moment.

My father has been a paragon of the proverbial rock my whole life. The safety zone from whom competence and decisiveness unerringly preëmpts anything like dithering or emoting or tears. I once had to bring him home from a procedure where they had to knock him out. He was unsteady from the anesthesia and it almost made my blood vessels evaporate to see him like that. It's going to be like that from now on.

Beautiful moon, beautiful moon, you will be my father too soon.