a lot of it is the stiffness in the fabric of conditions

I'm not finding the openings for manifestation of positive intent. Karma isn't lightening enough for movement. Or, another way of saying it is I am not lightening enough for movement. I weigh nothing when my head is in the right place. A great deal of this has been the trouble with my thyroid gland, and that is on its way to being alleviated.

Just today my mom handed me a circular from the local hospital's wellness program that said "Is it menopause or your thyroid?" and listed all the things to watch for. Now they tell me! I'm glad they're onto the problem out there, but I really, really, really wish they'd have mentioned it five years ago, when these awful symptoms started getting darn irksome on up into darn scary. People can DIE from this stuff you know. We might not even know if the problems with my gait and the leg cramping was from the myelopathy or the freaking near-zero Vitamin D in my blood.

I gotta be glad in any case because I'd be in a wheelchair right now from the fender bender with Mom last summer if not for my spine surgery, but I'm really bummed about these years with my brain fog and horrifying lack of pep enough to even go to the store until it was go or starve.

I'm a damn maniac who goes dreamy about the prospect of spending weeks in the driving winter rains reforesting cutover timberlands. I miss it so badly, I can't begin to express it.

No kidding. I'm not letting the doctors shrug it off until this is completely diagnosed and treated. Sitting in my house a befogged and listless wreck is NOT better than being dead.